


The Lonely Journal Keeper

by HumbIeBee



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Lucretia POV, Lucretia makes me very emotional ok, prose fic, the family is important and Lucretia is very alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-23 17:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11407233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HumbIeBee/pseuds/HumbIeBee
Summary: For one hundred years she had been running.This time would be different.





	1. Lucretia

**Author's Note:**

> WOW so my first every TAZ fic oh boy here we go
> 
> Lucretia makes me so emotional omg and she's such an amazing character that I really just wanted to explore her pov a little bit! It must have been so awful for her to be all by herself for ten whole years, especially seeing all her friends not knowing who she was!! Anyway I love lucretia and I want her to be happy :') 
> 
>  
> 
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> 
> Check out my TAZ blog if you're interested and thank you so much for reading!! lupofcreation.tumblr.com

Lucretia had seen so many things. From the breathtakingly beautiful to the gut wrenchingly painful, she had experienced innumerable moments. She kept them with her always. Journals at her side, he words were her weapons, her tools. One hundred years she had fought, one hundred times she had seen civilisations, people, lives destroyed in front of her. Every single one, every single world was recorded, every story and landscape and meal. 

If nothing else, her memory was something that the hunger could never take from her. 

Not matter how many times she met her own end before the year was up – and she had many times – she would always be back at the beginning of the next, ready to see, ready to record. It was her job after all. 

Her journey had given her the one thing she had never had enough of at home: time. It was endless, a looping, twisting tunnel that had no end and no beginning. It crawled by so slowly that she could barely see a change, and yet looking back, it had slipped by her in a moment. Every day bringing new uncertainties, the only constant the dread that crept in as the year’s end approached – always too fast for those who only got one chance. 

And yet with every new challenge came new opportunity. New ideas, new people, new places. And so she wrote. Every word she was told, every sight she saw. Everything. Anything. Sketches of wildlife and bars of music filled her pages as she filled volume after volume. Lucretia was constantly on the lookout for new books to fill, after all, one hundred years of history is a lot of content to cover. 

And then suddenly, she was faced with home. No, no, not home, but closer than she had seen in a century. If she ignored the single sun and the blue sky, she could almost pretend that she was back where she started, back before she ever stood foot on the ship, before she even knew the names of her closest friends. Everything was the same, so similar that it made her heart ache. But beyond the cosmetic, there was something about this world that Lucretia never had at home.

A person changes a lot over one hundred years. Lucretia had gained an lost so much, she was unsure that she could call herself the same person as when she began. Physically, she was the same as the very first day, but her mind had changed almost beyond recognition.

It is a strange feeling to grow out of your own body. 

She had lost a home and found one, in the six people that she shared her entire life with for an eternity. It was true that she had lost her birthplace, but she had gained a family.

Lucretia looked at their faces. Shock and awe that – despite her efforts to remain calm and rational – she was sure were apparent in her own expression, echoes of memories playing behind their eyes. There was relief there, too. A silent thank you to whatever gods existed this plane that it was here, that is was this place that they may end their journey. Lucretia felt it too. There had been worse places. Cold, dark, deadly places. Places she would rather not revisit, not even in her memories. 

The first two weeks passed agonisingly slowly. Every day they would take shifts, constantly watching the sky, making rounds around the entire planet, hoping to spot the light as soon as it fell. Lucretia prayed for it. And when that familiar flash lit the evening sky a brilliant white, her heart leapt. It landed only a few miles from the ship. That night there was a celebration, full of happiness that Lucretia had not seen in her friends in a long time. They were confident in their methods, Lucretia was confident in them. 

There it was, in the ship. A light to blinding and magnificent she had to shield her eyes, the glow of white so familiar and yet still so terribly tempting. Lucretia could feel its pull. She was so used to resisting, to setting the want in the back of her mind. She knew it was magic. She knew it wasn’t real. She knew that the mission would always come first. This time, though, she did not resist. She let her hand sink into the light, to feel the warmth of its formless core. In return she felt a calm in her stomach, an ease that had become almost unfamiliar to her. It was coupled with a determination so intense that it burned through her very being. 

This was going to be the end. 

For Lucretia, the creation did not take long. She worked without break, bending and twisting the segment of the light until it took the form she had designed. Her blueprints laid sketched out in her notebook next to her. As the light dimmed and the weightless energy turned to heavy matter in her hands, she sunk back in her chair. Gripped the staff tightly in her hands. 

She laughed. 

She laughed until her eyes were red and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She let out everything, all the waiting and the pain and the running that she had out up with for so long. Finally, finally it was finished. She could stop running.

They all could.

She emerged as the sun was setting, painting the sky a red that reminded her of home. She supposed that this new world was her home now. 

The others emerged from their stations not long after. Silent and suspenseful, they all laid their creations out on the table. Lucretia could see the relief on their faces. It was as if something heavy had been lifted from their shoulders. 

A bell, a chalice, a stone, an eye piece, a gauntlet, a sash, and her staff made seven in all. The seven of them sat there for a while in silence. She smiled as Magnus drifted off in his seat. He deserved a rest. 

“I… do you think it will really work?” Lucretia asked, her voice soft.

“It will,” That from Lup. She was sat across the table from Barry, and they exchanged a firm nod. She looked so sure. It was hard not to trust her.

“It has to.” She said. 

Lucretia never asked where the others hid their items. Without any specific location in mind, she had wandered for a few days before deciding on a small grove of trees, far from any village or civilisation she could see. The Bulwark staff was buried under a young plum tree, the smell of the flowers sweet in the air as she buried it as deep down as she could. It was like saying goodbye from a friend.

When she returned, she felt lighter. She was not the first one back. As she entered the ship she saw Taako, leaning back against his chair, hat pulled low over his face. He greeted her with a wave and a wink. The others trickled back slowly, one after the other. Merle came in whistling, of course he did, and hugged everyone before disappearing to his cabin. Lup returned teary eyed and sniffling, the relief in her face apparent as Barry swept across the room to embrace her. Davenport appeared much the same, but his demeanour was somewhat off. She knew that he missed home. And she knew that he had come to the realisation that this was it, no going back. 

Magnus did not return for weeks. When he did, however, he simply smiled as he told them,

“I think this is the right place.” 

The scouts never came. Weeks bled into months with no activity, and soon the finality of the situation began to set in. 

Lucretia hoped that Magnus was right.


	2. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A war, a void, and a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week: I attempt to dialogue and fail :')
> 
> I wanted to get this chapter out before the next episode (which is like, 10 hours away and i'm sO EXCITED) so please excuse any mistakes!!

The first town was reduced to a circle of black glass after only two days. The seven of them stood on the outskirts, their vision still hazy through the smoke that was still slowly rising from the surface. In a single moment, all the calm that Lucretia had felt before, all the tension and fear she had been slowly letting go of rushed back into her. It nearly knocked her down, but she stood, steadfast.

Lup, on the other hand, was inconsolable. The moment the town had come into view she had gasped, a chocked sound forced from her as she fell to her knees. And there she remained, her body hunched over, heaving with silent sobs. Her hand was clutched tight over her mouth as her eyes stared ahead.

Lup, the one who had fought with everything in her to save as much as possible, to preserve as many lives as she could. Lup, who had worked hour after hour, sleepless might after sleepless night to come up with a solution that would save them and this new world they had found. Lucretia wanted nothing more than to get down next to her, throw her arms around her and tell her it was okay. That it wasn’t her fault. No body could have predicted this of all things.

The surrounding area was eerily quiet. No birds, no animals. The people had fled, and any of the few survivors were long gone. Nobody knew quite what to make of it. A whole town, miles across, melted, reduced to nothing but glass. It was still hot to the touch. Bulbous and fluid in places, Lucretia could not do more than hold her hand a few inches from it. Despite the heat, she shivered.

They remained standing there for a while, nobody moving. Everybody stood somber and grave. And despite everything she had been through, the horrors that she had seen, that she had lived, Lucretia was afraid. She was afraid of the destroyed city in front of her, the lives that had been lost. But most of all, she was afraid of what this meant. If one of the artefacts had been found, where were the others? Had they been discovered, moved around, and if so, who had them now? And what would they do with them? If Lup’s gauntlet had been enough to raze a city to the ground, then what could something like the animus bell, or the chalice, or the stone do?

“We… we should go.” Magnus. His tone was firm, but there was a shakiness in his breath that Lucretia could not dismiss.

They all followed him without a word, the crunching of their footsteps over the charred leaves the only sound for miles.

* * *

 

That night it snowed. Her cabin was warm and weariness weighed heavy on her eyelids, but Lucretia couldn’t sleep. She crept quietly to the kitchen. There was no light except from the dim glow of the grey sky outside. It faintly outlined a figure sitting at the table.

“Lucretia.” Lup’s voice was hoarse and strained. Lucretia could tell that she had been crying.

“Lup, I… are you-“

“Lucretia, can I talk to you?”

Lucretia sat down at the table slowly, opposite Lup. She lit a candle and sat it between them.

“What do you need?” Lucretia tried to keep her tone as gentle as possible.

“Lucretia. I want to… I need to apologise to you.”

Lucretia was taken aback. What could Lup possibly to apologise to her for?

“What? Why would you need to apologise?”

Lup looked up for the first time, her eyes wide and glittering in the low glow of the candlelight. They were red and puffy, lined with dark circles. Her face was desperate.

“For this. For all of this.” She gestured helplessly around her, breathing in shaky breaths, “What we saw today? That wouldn’t have happened if I had listened to you. Your plan. It was a good idea! I was so focused on my research, I never even considered another option. I’m sure if we had stuck to your plan, everything would have been fine. Better than fine! God, Luc, you spent decades on that! How could I not have realised you must have had a solid shot?”

Lup slammed her fist against the table. Lucretia was stunned.

“Lup, we don’t know that my plan would have ever worked. I hadn’t even tested it out. I mean, what kind of shield could stretch over an entire planear system and still be strong enough to keep out the hunger?”

“But we didn’t know, Luc. I might have-“

“That’s right, we didn’t know. We couldn’t have known. We took a chance, and it worked. The scouts haven’t found us. We did what we thought would work the best. There was nothing more we could have done.”

Lup drew a long breath, seeming to steady herself just a little bit.

“I know. I know. It’s just… It was mine. I tried to hard all this time to protect the places we visited, and now it’s something that I created that ends up destroying it. It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair, Lucretia.”

In one hundred years, Lucretia had never heard Lup sound so hurt. She grabbed Lup’s hands in hers and squeezed tight.

“Lup, listen to me. When I look at you, do you know what I see? I see a woman who gave everything, everything to save lives. Do you remember Troth? Lup, you saved her, and her entire planet. That town, those people, they weren’t your fault. They were the victims of a horrible, horrible accident, but if you hadn’t done what you did, it would have been a whole lot worse.”

Lucretia could feel the tears prickling at her own eyes now, but Lup smiled.

“You know, Luc? I’m glad you’re here.” She got up, “thank you.”

“Good night, Lup.”

“Good night, Lucretia.”

Despite the growing dread in her stomach, Lucretia slept some that night.

* * *

 

The next few weeks were filled with baited breath and tension. Waiting. Waiting. Everybody was anxious to see whether their own artefact would resurface, and what damage it would cause. Lucretia, ever the realist, never clung to the hope that there would only be one incident. As the weeks passed by, she was wracked with worries. Reconsidering the hiding place she had chosen, the nature of her staff, the power it held.

Eventually, there was news of heavy storms destroying costal villages, coming seemingly from nowhere. Families, communities transformed at the hands of crooks, gangs, even unknowing children. Monstrous creations and possession. The news came from all sides. It was not long until people realised the cause of these disasters. Word spread quickly of the artefacts, seven grand relics that held immense power. There was a scramble to find them, wielding the power of even one of the relics meant the domination of any desired land.

Soon there were armies.

Battles were fought between cities, kingdoms that all wanted a share of the prize, a slice of the sheer power that the relics offered. The draw of them, the temptation that they radiated was too much for most, and the result was an endless cycle of destruction. It was hard on all of them. Lucretia struggled to watch, struggled to hear of the death and disaster that seemed to span the entire world over. It broke her heart to see the plan that they had spend so much time and energy on break down, to see what they thought would bring peace end in war. Everyday, she watched her friends become quieter and quieter. Withdrawing into themselves. It was torture.

The only relic that had seemingly remained dormant was her own. While tha gave her relief, it did not stop the bloodshed.

Lucretia sat alone in her cabin. Fisher’s tank stood beside her. The fish was getting bigger every day, being fed on old documents and things they had found around the ship. Magnus would visit often, bringing with him wooden toys carved from the grove of trees outside. The pressure build every day. Lucretia could not stand seeing her friends, her family so tormented by the warring. She could not stand seeing this world tear itself apart over their creation. She pressed her forehead against the tank, the glass cool against her skin. She trailed her hand along the side. Fisher placed a glowing tentacle by her. Suddenly, an idea. Fisher could take it all away. Erase all of the pain, fix everything. There would be no more sadness. There would be no more war. No, no. She could never. She could never do that to them. It was too much. She put the idea put of her mind. Fisher’s tank glowed softly in the corner of her vision. 

* * *

 

There was no other way.

Lucretia had not slept for days, instead staying in her cabin with her head in her hands. Outside was death, war, and casualty. Inside was nothing but suffering. She had read through her journals a million times. Everything was there, from the first day up until the previous evening. It was all there. She couldn’t possible do it. She couldn’t. The very thought of it terrified her.

What would happen? Where would her friends go? What would they do? What would she do? Lucretia hated the feeling. It was so confusing and painful. She had a way to fix everything, to put it all right again, but she was so scared of what would happen after. _Selfish, selfish_! She had a solution. She had to do it. She gripped her pen so tight that her knuckles went red, then white. Then she threw it aside with a sob, snatching the ink brush from her desk. She hesitated for a moment.

“After I do this,” she told herself, her voice barely more than a shaky whisper, “I can’t go back.”

The brush fell upon the first page of the first journal, spreading black ink across the page. The days crawled by slowly. Again she scoured every journal. She relived every moment. Every world, every victory, every failure. Every time she had died. The best and the worst, the happy and the tragic. One hundred years of memories. After the last ink blot in the last journal, she took a deep breath and closed it gently.

That evening she had dinner with everybody. They talked about everything, their favourite planets, people they had met, stories they had collected. They smiled, they smiled despite everything and Lucretia’s heart swelled to see it. And suddenly there were tears in he eyes. The others noticed, confusion and concern apparent on their faces as they asked her what was wrong. And she couldn’t tell them. And she knew that in the end it wouldn’t matter if she did. They wouldn’t remember.

“I’m sorry, I just… I’m glad that you’re all here.” She managed.

She was returned with warm smiles.

* * *

The next morning there was a note on the table.

_Be back soon – L_

Lucretia made her decision.

* * *

 

She tensed as she held the first journal over the water of the tank. After this, there really would be no turning back. Lucretia thought back to the year she had spent alone. Alone with none of her family to help her, she had survived. She had taught herself to fix the ship, to fix a space ship! She had run, and hid, and waited, and waited. Suffered and cried, but survived. She had survived! Lucretia knew she could do it on her own. That didn’t mean that she wasn’t scared. It was one thing to be separated for a year, it was another to be completely forgotten, erased from the lives of those that meant the most to her. But she would survive. She had done it before, and she could do it again.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as the journal pages fluttered open, drifting down into the water, “It’s just for a little while, I promise.”

It was a promise that she knew she would not be able to keep.


End file.
